"No" is a small but powerful word. It's one of the first words we learn and as toddlers, we have no qualms about using it. Yet saying, "No!" as adults can be incredibly difficult, especially in the workplace. It could be that you don't want to let people down, you don't believe that saying no is an option, or you're worried about being perceived as being rude, unhelpful, or even discriminatory.
While these are all valid concerns, not being able to say no can be problematic when it comes to establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Working in schools often adds a unique set of challenges and complexities to saying no. A common example is feeling obligated to do things for colleagues, especially when it's something that will impact pupils. Even when you want to help, there are limitations to what you can and should do as part of your role. Here are some things that might help you feel more justified when saying no:
Here are some tips to help you get more comfortable with saying no:
Paying attention to people's requests helps to show that you've thoroughly considered what they've asked of you. If you need more information, or if your answer is dependent on certain conditions, ask clarifying questions. If the information you need to base your answer on isn't yet available, you may want to say that you'll be able to provide an answer once it becomes available. Even when you're sure that you're unable to help, taking this step will prevent you from appearing dismissive.
Beginning with something positive helps to soften the blow. If there's a positive reason for them asking you — for example, you have expertise in a particular area — start by expressing your gratitude for being asked. If there isn't any specific reason to be thankful, you're likely better off expressing compassion for the situation they're in — few school staff feel thankful or flattered when they're asked to handle a task like chaperoning a dance.
Decline the request clearly to avoid ambiguity and any attempts to coax you into changing your mind. While there are times when it's appropriate for 'No' to be a complete sentence, in this context, it's usually best to expand a little on your answer. Due to the peculiar nature of the English language, saying no often doesn't involve the word "no" at all. Sometimes our endeavors to be polite can result in lengthy responses that may cause confusion. Sticking to clear, straightforward language helps you avoid accidentally saying "Yes" when you intended to say "No" instead.
In most cases, it's better to give a reason why you can't help. If you are comfortable sharing your reason, it can help the person making the request better understand your decision. Doing this can also contribute to the experience remaining positive. There may be circumstances where no justification is needed. In such situations, providing a vague explanation can help you both feel more comfortable. Some common ways of saying no are:
There's nothing wrong with asking for time to consider a request. You might have to check your schedule or communicate with someone else to confirm something. Asking for time to consider can also help you out when you're put on the spot and feel unable to say no. Asking for time allows you to go away and compose your response. You can then deliver this in person, send an email, or communicate through other channels if this feels more comfortable.
Here are our top tips for saying no:
Being able to say no effectively is important for your overall wellbeing. You can find more information on improving the wellbeing of school staff by signing up for the Welbee Toolkit. This free resource contains tips and guidance based on the latest research to support school staff and leaders in improving their wellbeing.
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